亦如往日

   我现在着实有点后悔，人的道路总是越走越窄，把自己逼到一个角落的时候，回头看看广阔的碧海蓝天，总会无比沮丧，责怪当初。生活本可以那样自由，那样潇洒。可不知回头看到的路，是通往理想国的。那是一条你怎么走也走不到头的路。今天上新浪微薄，看看某某某的只言片语，却如实地打动了我的心。那完全是我曾试图想用语言表达，却一直没勇气说出来的话。现引用如下：

   人的一生中，最后剩下，做自己真正想做之事的时间往往极少。大部分的光阴，我们其实都在被他人意志所挟持，自以为是应付生活之所需，做他人嫁衣而牺牲自己时间，茫然若丧家之犬，追劳累而丢弃享用——所以，每天多争取属于自己的自得其乐，也就是实际的人生意义了。

   于是我恍然大悟，我的理想国就此破灭了。我是怯懦的，没有勇气去放弃平庸繁冗的生活。于是我只有用那些零零碎碎的时间去追求我想要的。还好我易于满足。这足够我想明白自己为什么要继续做如此世俗的人，因为这是我唯一的途径去追求我的梦。就像常说的，梦如此短暂。

   I arrived at Las Vegas at 9pm. On the way from airport to my hotel, I was thrilled by those sparkling neon lights and tall buildings. it is like beijing, a crowded and modern city. but after arriving at my hotel, i noticed the difference. casio, with all kinds of gambling machines, took up the whole lobby. people, with cash in their hands, concentrated on their games. Hopeless hope spread in every part of LV. Here, i saw the first real desire: Desire for wealth. I played black jack. After I won 10 bucks, I was not at all satisfied. My uncontrolled ambition induced me to put more bets on those machines. We all know the ending of the story, I lost miserably. That's a vicious circle: The more you get, the more you want. The more you lost, the more you want it back. people seems never get the wisdom of satifaction. No one escapes.

   The fake side of LV, i didn't see until next morning. Wendy and I idled around on the Strip. I saw mountains, which, like a t-shirt among expensive dresses, are not suitable for the over-decorated street. I was amused by the scene. that's probably the essence of LV: you can't tell what's real in this city. Those moutains and deserts have been there for centuries, but were easily defeated by the fake charming place, the place where people's desire reached their maximum.

   Buffet is a big thing in LV. 30 bucks buffet is quite costly, but no one can resist deliciousness. We had seafood, american food, chinese food, sushi, all kinds of desserts and icecream. My stomach was almost exploded after dinner. that was really not a good feeling. people are so vulnerable, they can't feel a bit of comfortablness after they meet their desire.  I started wondering why the hell they want it so much.

   women and men exposing themsleve quite a lot and dancing on the stage is A big part of LV. prositituion is not allowed but People sent out ads for speical private service on every part of the street, exactly like those ads guys in Xidan... I have no comments on those people. We all know animals can't control their desire. Most people have more self-control in most cirsumstances. That's really pathetic, if you did it without so much affaction envolved.

   I saw the biggest cocktail glasses in LV, and i believe that's gonna be the biggest ones I saw for my entire life. it is as tall as a 10 years old kid. such big amount of alchol definitely can bring to a state of escalation. Reality sucks, so people give up temporarily on the truth and being a coward stay in their wonderland. Some people desire for more than temporary happiness, they need it lasting long enough. yea... they are really emerged into the fake world without a peak of those deserts just outside the street.

   I enjoyed the trip for seeing the two beloved friends, but the fake world is really not for me. So here i am, face the miserable but real world with my own happiness.    

    这世界真疯狂，如果有一天我出一本书，第一句话一定会是“这世界真疯狂”。

    是的，我最近遇到了点小挫折。其实找不到工作只是导火索，真正的原因还是对未来的迷茫。一般地想想应该是不会影响生活的，但是迷茫所带来的消极态度却真地深刻到给生活带来困扰和麻烦。我很绝望，觉得那些痛苦又要把我卷入到阴暗的世界里去了。我在挣扎着。我并不是一个经历过多少痛苦的人，但是敏感总让我的小感情无限扩大化。曾经那些被我无限扩大的小绝望又一个一个地重现在我眼前了。

    于是，我静下来认真地回忆着那些让我曾经觉得不堪回首的过往，仔细地回想着痛苦的滋味。忽然间就不那么难过了。现在的小痛苦和曾经的这些那些相比还真是相形见绌了。人生难免有个坎儿，如果曾经年少时都能一咬牙挺过去，现在没有什么不可以的。

   过去的那些，如果能微笑着面对，就更完美了。